We want to be seen, heard & valued.
Often our suffering comes from broken attachments and lack of connection. When we feel disconnected, we experience shame and that can take us to some incredibly dark places.
Attachment theory is a complex field of research that pertains not only to childhood development and parenting but to romantic relationships and platonic friendships as well. The attachment style we develop as children (as a result of the care we receive) is the one we take with us into adulthood if there is no intervention.
4 Main Attachment Styles
Unfortunately, when people with anxious and/or avoidant attachment styles pair up (romantically or platonically) it can be a disaster, especially if neither is aware and are not actively working through their "stuff." Together, we can explore how your attachment style developed and see how your relationships have been impacted. If you're willing to do the work, you are capable of developing a secure attachment.
Part of attachment therapy involves "inner child" work, which is usually over-simplified and made to sound very "woo woo," when in reality it leads to some serious healing. There is so much that most of us just didn't get growing up. In my experience, it's not because parents intentionally wanted to send us off into the world as wounded individuals, most of them did the best they could with what they had. But, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I'm determined to do away with the notion of "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Trauma doesn't make us stronger. It desensitizes us and keeps us in survival mode. We make ourselves stronger by making different choices as adults than the ones that were made for us as children.
There are many techniques that can be utilized for this kind of work; I tend to focus on a select few which include Parts Work, family systems techniques feminist therapy and Brainspotting.
We can do hard things, but we don't have to do them alone.